I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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