you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
