I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
