No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
