I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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