I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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