fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
