He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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