I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
