I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
