This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
