he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
