Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
