Christians are straight up FREAKS
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she smelled like a LAN party
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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