She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
