We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
