I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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