if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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