So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
