so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
