I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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