I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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