i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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