she looked like the before picture.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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