We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
