My room smells like vodka and shame
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
