Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
