Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
