is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
