Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
