**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
