So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
