And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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