Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize