She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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