You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
