I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
