Do vagina's smell?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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