just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
