yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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