I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
