Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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