I hope mine doesn't look like that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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