I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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