I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
