Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
