He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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