My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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