Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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