I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
