$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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