he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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