Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
