I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
