I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
