i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
only you would photoshop your dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
