also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
