alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
