just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
