You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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