Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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