you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have demons in me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
