I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
