We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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