it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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