my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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