you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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