I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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