I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
