Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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