Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
