dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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