So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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