STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
